***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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