the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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