omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
