careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
