When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
