Your dad touched me again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
two words...techno handjob
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
