The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
