If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
