she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
