____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There r osticjed everywhere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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