Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
