He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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