I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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