flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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