where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
