But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
