Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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