I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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