I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
