Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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