guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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