The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
