we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
