My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You need a sexual gate keeper
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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