dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
