So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
