This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
