He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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