We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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