Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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