If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
