Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The power of my boobs compel you
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
