I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
