Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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