Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I believe in your delicious
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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