I got chris browned last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This baby is an asshole
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
