I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
