Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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