Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
