the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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