Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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