my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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