i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
