but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
