Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
