i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
