I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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