its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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