There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
