So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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